Men are from Mars…?

How men and women differ on their retirement plans

Men and women often differ considerably on how they view their future life in retirement, and that can lead to some opposite opinions once they are able to address the issues. The problem for most couples, however, is that this discussion seldom takes place.

In my experience, most couples don’t talk about retirement.

A Scotiabank study noted that 44% of men stated they have thought about both financial and lifestyle aspects of retirement while only 34% of women said the same. However, more women than men, 30% versus 26% respectively, said they have only considered the financial aspects of retirement.

Approximately 41% of couples share the same outlook on retirement, meaning that almost 60% of couples are in for some surprises. Of those who see eye-to-eye, 15% say they can’t wait while 21% say that they have some concerns.


The study also found that only about half of couples agree on the role family and friends will play in retirement. Surprisingly, only 8% of couples report that both people are interested in spending the same amount time with their partner.

The results point out that there isn’t a common view among men and women about what retirement planning should be. That makes it difficult to have a discussion on what plans to make, which is why so many retirement plans are simply financial plans rather than lifestyle plans.

That also suggests that whoever is leading the financial plan has also provided the outline for what the family’s retirement life was going to look like. That doesn’t necessarily mean that both husband and wife buy in to the family plan—simply that the “official retirement plan” also has a couple of unofficial versions that don’t often get shared with a spouse or partner.

In fact, 67% of couples surveyed said that they agree, or at least somewhat agree, about their lifestyle in retirement. Yet, of those who agree, 36% say that they are on the same page on most aspects of their retirement while only 11% say that they are onside about all aspects of their retirement.

Differing views on work

Another area where there seems to be a difference of opinion about retirement comes from how men and women see ‘work’. The Scotiabank survey found that 45% of male respondents said that they expect to work part-time in retirement while only 34% of women have the same expectation. Women, at 54%, are more likely to volunteer or take on charitable activities.

I have found that many men have a hard time with retirement simply because they have defined themselves by their careers—if you have been a lawyer for thirty years, are you still a lawyer when you retire? A woman who is a lawyer and now retires will still likely define herself more as “I am a mother, a wife, a sister etc”

For a lot of men, there are two states of being: they are either ‘working’ or they are in ‘leisure’. Work has not only defined them, but it is how they keep score, measure themselves against others and created their self-image. Leisure takes its place as a welcome break from work, even for those who are quite satisfied in their careers.

That is why most retirement plans for men are more likely to be “leisure” plans rather than lifestyle plans—here are the things I am going to do, the places we will go, the hobbies I will undertake.

A woman, on the other hand, will more likely reapportion the time she spent working into the other areas of her life. Her plans are often more holistic, focusing on family, home, health and spirituality.

That makes it hard for couples to talk about retirement plans, because “leaving the workplace” may mean something entirely different to a man (who might view it as the end) or a woman (who might view it as the beginning).

Here are some ways that men and women can reach a consensus on their retirement plans:

1. Seek to understand each other. I have been a long-time advocate on taking a lifestyle approach to retirement planning. That gives both men and women a framework to talk to each other about their dreams, goals and concerns. Take the money discussion out of play initially and just talk about the kind of life that each of you envisage.

2. Agree to disagree. You don’t have to have the same goals, in fact you likely won’t. The key thing to remember is that you should at least understand each other and then find ways to meet in the middle. There will always be compromise, but not without thorough discussion between each partner.

3. Encourage each other to stay connected. Partners should become coaches for their spouses in retirement. Unfortunately, many couples drift apart at this stage of life and stop communicating with their partners. In retirement, there will be times when each partner will need some understanding and motivation. That is why joint activities are so important between partners—they provide an opportunity to stay connected life and each other!

4. Set aside regular times to update and review your plans. Things (and people) change in retirement. Retirement plans have to be adjusted to meet these changes and it is important for couples to look at their plans and renew the lifestyle discussion. Every six months is probably sufficient for most people—try to pick a time when you can be relaxed and be really open to sharing how you feel about your present retirement situation as well as your hopes for the future.

5. Maintain open communication on the financial plan. One partner may handle the money, but it is very important for both to stay involved and maintain their awareness of the overall financial situation.

6. Conduct a “fire drill”. As part of your planning discussion, talk about the things that might change that may not be pleasant. Health challenges, financial reversals and family issues are the most common challenges to retirement plans.



At ScotiaMcLeod, we understand that wealth transcends money and represents the things in life that we would like to accomplish. As a Wealth Advisor, I work closely with my clients to help them create a clear vision of their retirement and then a financial strategy that is aligned with those goals. I think it would be beneficial for us to meet and discuss how we can work together to make sure you get the most out of this next stage of your life.